Ralph Joke #16

There were two southern girls sitting on the porch. 

The first girl turns to the second in a rich, southern accent and says, "Look at this house. My Daddy got it for me." 

The second replies, "Well isn't that nice." 

The first turns to the second again and says, "You see that Porsche over there. My Daddy got it for me." 

The second girl replies, "Well isn't that nice." 

Again the first turns to the second and says, "You see those horses over there. My Daddy got those for me too!" 

Once again, the second replies "Well isn't that nice." 

"Well" say the first gal, "What ever did your Daddy get for you?" 
 
The second gal replies, "Well, my Daddy sent me off to finishing school." 

"Finishing school? What ever did you get by going to finishing school?" the first girl asks. 

The second replies, "I learned to say, 'Well isn't that nice' instead of You Bitch"

Ralph Joke #15

An elderly man in Oklahoma calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!"

 "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son yells.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old dad explained. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!".

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls her elderly father immediately, and screams at him, "You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow.

Until then, don't do a thing, you hear me?" she yelled as she hung up the phone. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay", he says, "it's all set. They're both coming for Christmas and paying their own air-fare.

Ralph Joke #14

Five surgeons are discussing who the best patients are to operate on. 

 

The first surgeon said, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside them are numbered." 

 

The second responded, "You should try electricians! Everything inside them are color coded." 

 

The third surgeon said, "I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them are in alphabetical order." 

 

The fourth surgeon chimed in, "You know, I like construction workers...they always understand when you have a few parts left over in the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would." 

 

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up with this observation, "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no spine and the head and butt are interchangeable."

 

Last day in Lisbon Creek, Andros, Bahamas

Really the last day in Andros!  It's been a great month, cruising off the beaten path.   Leslie arranged for Sadie, the basket lady to drive us back to Moxey Town one last time for a refill of dinghy gasoline and a few more fresh veggies.

We decided to skip cooking last night and headed to James' mother's restaurant/bar for a farewell pizza.  It's special because we don't see pizza on any Bahamian restaurant menu.

James' mom - Talia - made us two great pizzas - one with lobster and veggies and another with pepperoni loaded.  

So, this is probably the last post you'll see from us for a week or so.  We're headed to Flamingo Cay in the Jumentos where there will be no cell service.   You'll still see a few more corny "Ralph jokes".  I'll be back online with hopefully spectacular photos of our next new island!  Stay warm up there in the States!!

Ralph Joke #13

Why is the mushroom invited to all the parties?

Because he's a fungi!


Why did he leave the party early?

Because there's not mushroom!

Lisbon Creek, Andros, Bahamas

Plans are to leave tomorrow for the Jumentos and Ragged Islands.  For real this time I believe!

Today the long awaited return of the "mail boat".

The dock was filled with folks picking up their supplies.  It had been over a week since the boat had delivered supplies and stocks were low for fresh food.

Same view in the evening.  I'm sure they will pick up all the pallets before the boat departs.  The only thing left is a row of powerline transformers.

We went out for a dinghy exploration and Leslie and Ralph took James on their boat.  He is an excited young fisher-man!

We scored a couple of lobsters.

Duane carrying one back to Leslie in the dinghy.

James putting a lobster in the dinghy - don't want them to get away!

Ralph, Leslie and James on the ride back to the boat.

And in the evening, we had a group of nice young men on the boat for fishing.  Between the two boats, we have 4 small fishing poles that they used.  Really fun to have such sweet young folks around!

Ralph Joke #12

The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker.



I was feeling particularly sassy that day, because I had just come from a thrilling choir practice followed by a powerful prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.


I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed.


It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus; because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.
I found that LOTS of people love Jesus.  Why, while I was sitting there, the nice man behind started honking like crazy, and he leaned out of his window and screamed, "for the love of God, GO! GO!"   What an exuberant cheerleader he was for the Lord..

Everyone started honking!  I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people.

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love.  There must have been a man from Florida back there, because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.

I saw another man waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.  When I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was an Hawaiian good luck sign or something.


Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back.

My grandson burst out laughing; why even he was enjoying this religious experience.


A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.



I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.



So I waved to all my sisters and brothers, smiled at them all, and drove on through the intersection.


I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again, and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window, and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.
Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!

Lisbon Creek, Andros, Bahamas

We were trapped on the boat for most of the day by heavy rains.  No worries, we have plenty to read.

When the rains cleared, James and his cousin Deshaun visited and wanted to fish.  So, I pulled out the small rods and they fished for a while.

I went to get my camera for a pretty sunset photo, but by the time I got back up the sun had gone behind some clouds.

Ralph blew the conch horn at sunset - and James wanted to give it a try.  He did pretty good!

And before the night was over, cousin Kian had joined the others for some fishing.  No luck though they had a great time.

Ralph Joke #11

Three dogs are at the vet in the waiting room.

When the first dog asks the second dog what he's in for.

He answers, "My master bought a brand new carpet the other day, and at the first opportunity I soiled it, so now I've been brought here to be put to sleep. So what are you here for?"

The first dog replies grimly, "I'm also being put to sleep. My master had a table with a collection of expensive vases and while I was chasing my tail I accidently bumped into the table and broke them all."

The two dogs then look over and ask the third dog what he's in for.

The third dog answers, "The reason I'm here is the other day my master stepped out of the shower and she bent over. I couldn't resist, so I jumped her from behind and took her like a wild animal!"

"So I guess you're also here to be put to sleep?" says the first dog.

The third dog answers, "Nope, I'm here to get my nails done."

Still at Lisbon Creek, Andros, Bahamas!!!

Last minute change, we decided to enjoy Lisbon Creek for another few days - another weather window opened for travel on Tuesday, so we'll stay put until then.

Went for a nice dinghy ride out to the reef since the weather has settled nicely.

The reef was not as organized as usual, but still lots of fish.  Duane diving with his spear.

Pretty angel fish.

And another pretty triggerfish.

Ralph Joke #10

This one is about as corny as they come....another Leslie's mother's joke:

Where do bees pee??

At the BP station

Last Day Lisbon Creek, Andros, Bahamas

Since the wind is favorable, we'll leave Andros this evening for a 24 hour sail to Flamingo Cay in the Jumentos Cays.

We will not have internet coverage for 1-2 weeks in this mostly uninhabited island chain.  You'll still see the daily jokes for a while because I've got those scheduled to appear.

We will get service again when we get south to Duncan Town at the end of the Ragged Islands.

Didn't accomplish much today....we're going to sneak in one more snorkel before we depart, but I doubt I'll have time to update you on that.

The fishing boat left as soon as the winds died down.  Apparently, their steering isn't working very well still since they were pulled away from the dock by one of the skiffs.

A school bus dropped a bunch of students on the dock - they all got in the ferry and went across to Driggs Hill for the day, returning in the afternoon.  Quite a way to travel from one school to the next!

And the always friendly dock-dogs.

We'll talk to you in a few weeks!  

Ralph Joke #9

This is Leslie's mother's joke:

An eagle goes looking for a mate.....

He swoops down and picks up a loon. 

"I'm a loon, I'm a loon, I love to spoon."

The eagle realizes this will not work, so he kicks the loon out and finds a hawk.

"I'm a hawk, I'm a hawk, I just want to talk."

Realizing that that will not work, he kicks out the hawk and finds a dove. 

"I'm a dove, I'm a dove, I don't make love."

Frustrated now at three failed attempts, the eagle kicks out the dove and picks up a duck. 

"I'm a drake, I'm a drake, you made a mistake!"

Lisbon Creek, Andros, Bahamas

The winds are still blowing 30+ knots so we're still at the dock.

Borrowed Leslie and Ralph's bikes and went for a ride - I am almost out of my canned milk and wanted to go to the grocery store about 1 1/2 miles north.

That small grocery store was out of milk so we rode 7 miles to Moxie Town on the north side of the island.

Saw a couple of pretty little churches on the way.  Not sure they're active but they look well maintained.

Found a pretty little bay and blue hole.

This bay was almost completely protected from the strong winds.

As we approached the north end of the island we came to a area exposed to the east.  You can see the crazy winds here.

The ride back to the boat was MUCH harder than the ride to Moxey Town!  The wind was mostly on our nose and the 7+ miles was grueling!

Back to the boat I went over to Now & Zen for a lesson in conch salad making.  Yum!

In the afternoon, Leslie had made friends with Raymond who tends a "backyard garden".  So he invited us for a tour.

Lots of different banana trees.

This is a sapodilla tree.  Unfortunately not ripe.   The sap or gum from the tree is  a source of 'chicle' the original ingredient used to make chewing gum.

He showed us a pigeon pea bush - a big, woody plant with pea pods.  (The pea/bean we use to make peas and rice although in the Caribbean they use a kidney bean or such.)

 A different banana plant.  Again, not ripe yet so we couldn't sample.

Closeup of the pigeon peas.

 Ralph always curious.

That's it for the day.  Fun time.

Ralph Joke #8

What's the difference between a hurricane in the South and a divorce in the South?


Nothing.

Somehow, somewhere somebody's gonna lose a trailer.

Lisbon Creek, Andros, Bahamas

Kindof a sleepy day to start with.  I made some bread, read my kindle.

We took a nice stroll - pretty bay.

 We made arragements at Rolles restaurant for dinner a short walk away.  (They're not necessarily open).  We were the only ones there.  Nice fish meal.

When we got back to the dock, there was much excitement.  There was a fishing boat that was coming in to tie up at the dock to escape the dangerous waves offshore.  They had lost their steering!

There was room for them at the dock in front of our boat, but the winds were blowing 30+ knots and did I say "They Had Lost Their Steering"!!!!  They do undoubtedly have twin engines so that helps....the smaller boats with outboards teamed up and pushed the big boat to the dock with precision!   I had cranked our engines and was at the helm ready to be released if necessary - but I would not have been happy!!!

This is the bow of Sojourn as they were sliding "Sweet Dreams" into place.

Our view this morning.

Here are the skiffs they used to push the motherboat.  Photo taken this morning, anchored just outside the channel.

I spoke to some of the crew this morning.  They said that it was crazy bad conditions offshore - they were sliding around on deck and that they were just happy that no one got hurt.

They'll be on the dock today for the remainder of the strong winds and will depart tomorrow.

They're a lobster boat....maybe I can buy some!!

Ralph Joke #7

So this couple walks into a marriage counselor’s office and the wife is crying about feeling neglected. Really wailing, she tells the marriage counselor that they don’t sit down to meals much
They don’t go anywhere and have any fun. She feels like a maid around the house. Sex? It’s been years! And not only is intimacy a thing of the past, they don’t even talk any more!

Sobbing, she tells the therapist: “I can’t go on this way.”

The marriage counselor gets up out of his chair and goes over to the woman. He gently takes both of her hands into his and slowly lifts her up out of her chair, maintaining eye contact with her all the while. He pulls her gently to him and enfolds her in his arms to give her a sensual hug. Then he plants a big kiss right on her lips for several seconds.

When he disengages the embrace, she sits back down in a daze, but with a smile on her face.

Then he turns to the husband and says: “Did you see that? That’s what your wife needs three times a week.”


The husband pauses for a moment and then says: “I can do it on Monday and Wednesday, but it would be hard for me to bring her over here on Friday, because that's my fishing day with the boys!"

Lisbon Creek, Andros, Bahamas

 The mailboat left, so the dock looks a little lonely now....I understand it will return after it's rounds to other islands Thursday.

This morning James' mom arranged for a bone-fishing guide Jacob to come over to the boats and give us a conch cleaning lesson.  It was fun to watch.  Plus we got some conch for a salad!  Nice young man.

We got the dinghies down and went for a 2 1/2 hour dinghy ride up Lisbon Creek.

Another victim of some storm years ago.  The water is only 1-2 feet deep here.

Just pretty mangroves.  No buildings for several miles.

Caught a snapshot of Duane!

Leslie and Ralph.  Leslie was the only smart one - she wore a jacket.  At times the wind/wavelets were splashing us and it actually got a bit chilly!

Back at the dock - we had disconnected and turned the boats around because we'll get those nasty winds from the east tomorrow.   We went to James' mother's little restaurant next door for some tasty conch fritters and a few beverages.  A pleasant day!